Monthly Archives: December 2016

Lets be a Successful Flirt

Men and women flirt differently, for both different reasons and expected outcomes. Flirting is an art that requires confidence without being over the top. Some of the same things that work in real life, also apply to online flirting. Let’s face it, someone has to break the ice, and all relationships begin with successful flirting.

How do you achieve that halfway point?

Ninety percent of all communication is non-verbal. Body language always speaks first in any conversation. When you are confident your body relaxes, you lean in, you smile, and you become more animated. When you are tense or not at ease with yourself, you will be sitting back, crossing your legs, maybe your arms are folded, your mouth will barely break a smile, and your eyes will be searching the room. Knowing this will help you convey confidence with your body language.

If you flirt just to be friendly, you’re opening yourself to different opportunities. You may well end up with a new lover, or at the very least, a good friend. You might even be introduced to the ‘Right One’ by this person. One never knows! Keep your options open.

Tips To Become A Successful Flirt:

  1. Just relax. Have fun! Be lighthearted, funny, and entertaining. Make this person eager to talk to you again. Flirting is being playful.
  2. Radiate confidence. Successful flirts have a positive outlook on life. You need to transmit this feel-good factor in your words and approach. An optimistic attitude attracts everyone.
  3. Give out genuine compliments, and do it often. Suddenly doors fly open when you make them feel good about themselves. This person will want to spend more time with you and if he/she pays you a compliment, say thank you. Don’t be self-depreciating.
  4. Listen. Pay attention to what they have to say and ask appropriate questions. Get them to open up and talk about themselves. Be sincerely interested.
  5. Don’t be rude. Flirting does not include being sexually explicit nor taking offense if the person isn’t responding to you. If there’s no interest, take the hint and move on. If you get a lot of rejections, you should probably consider a different approach.
  6. Send an email after you chat. It’s similar to sending a thank you note or a gift, and it is vital to successful flirting. Don’t try to go too fast.

Lets Connect with Your Date

Have you ever struggled to connect on a date? Or felt absolutely nothing sitting across the table from a potential partner? Or have you ever felt a strong connection to someone and believed you were going to get another date, but the feeling was not mutual? Do you have a sense of what was missing or blocking a connection?

Or what about the opposite? Have you ever experienced an instant “click” or connection on a date or a feeling as if you had always known this person? Did you just know the date was going to lead to you in a positive direction together?

Connection is key to creating motivation to continue getting to know someone, determining compatibility, and developing affection and love toward someone. After all, the main purpose of a first date is to see if you connect, right?

Difficulty connecting commonly leads to self-doubt and a natural questioning of your own worthiness. Repetitive failed connections or an inability to connect during dating experiences can wear on your self-esteem and confidence. Discrepancies in perception of how a date went can also make your dating life feel disappointing and draining.

It is important to remember you are worthy and deserving of love regardless of your ability to connect in dating. What you can do, though, is take control of your dating approach and engage in behaviors that promote meaningful connection.

In fact, many of my clients say that “clicking” on a first date feels like magic, but there are actually certain mindsets and behaviors that are known to lead to connection.

Here are seven strategies to promote greater connection in dating:

Connect with yourself and hold yourself in a positive light.

Connecting with others can be challenging if you don’t feel connected to yourself, have a deep understanding of who you are and what you want, or have insecure and self-critical thoughts. Reflect on your personality, values, lifestyle preferences, hobbies, goals, and aspirations and take action on what is important or enjoyable to you. Developing yourself, honing in on your strengths and values, letting go of your flaws and imperfections, and engaging in behaviors that leave you feeling confident, content, and rejuvenated will aid you in feeling secure in what you have to offer a potential partner. Approaching dates with a positive mindset and self-image is a major component to connecting on a date.

Ensure you are emotionally available and ready to date.

If you arrive on dates with an ex or unhealed breakup on your mind or other potential partners floating around your thoughts, it is highly unlikely you are going to be present and open enough to actually connect to the person right in front of you, so it is crucial to honestly assess if you are ready to date. If you are ready, remember to approach dating with curiosity, openness, and positive energy and leave the past behind.

Attention to the Godwinks

While walking to a workout class, busily talking to my mom about my latest dating flop, she kindly reminded me that when the time is right, when the stars align, when the right person comes along, it won’t be so difficult to fall in love. She’s a big believer in the way the universe twists and turns, often giving us signs if we’re open-hearted enough to see them. I usually take everything she says as scripture (she is my mama, after all!), but on this particular sticky hot afternoon, I just couldn’t be bothered. I heard myself say snippy words as my eyes welled up with those big, splashy, unapologetic tears, and I quickly hurried off the phone.

Even an hour’s worth of boxing didn’t make me feel better, and though I had so many things to check off my to-do list, something told me to stop by Barnes & Noble before heading to my apartment. I remembered how my mom once said we all need some inspiration when we’re feeling defeated or disappointed, and maybe, just maybe, I’d find something that would give me that hope that often feels far away after five years of being single.

Normally not one to judge a book by it’s cover (I’m an avid Kindle reader, for the record) – I couldn’t help but look at a small, lightly-colored book called ‘Godwinks On Love.’ I told myself that I would only buy the book – a real, tangible book! – if I opened it to a random page and something spoke to me.

For whatever reason, I pried it open and my eyes instantly went to a date that was written out – September 16. No big deal, right? Wrong – that’s my birthday. Without hesitation, I hurried to check out and called my mom to apologize. I didn’t know what was in store for me with this quick-read book, but within a week, I had highlighted so many passages, cried my way through the chapters and gone to sleep every single night feeling more positive and full of life.

I’m still single but this profound book full of heartwarming stories that really make you trust in something bigger than yourself, was exactly what this 20-something girl needed. Luckily for me, the author – SQuire Rushnell (NOTE: the capital Q isn’t a typo!) took some time to answer questions for me about how he created the inspiring Godwink collection, along with some advice for daters like me:

What is a godwink?

SQuire Rushnell: “A “godwink” is one of those little experiences that everyone has; you’re tempted to call it “coincidence” but you know it’s something more … something of divine origin.

When that word came into mind, writing my first GodWinks book, I thought of when we were kids, sitting at the big table; you looked up and saw someone you loved looking back at you⎯they gave you a silent communication, a wink⎯you never said, “What do you mean by that?” You KNEW! It meant, “Hey kid, I’m thinking of you right now! I love you!” Well, that’s what a godwink is.

As someone who has been single for most of her adult life, reading your book was the breath of fresh air I really needed. It’s so hard to maintain hope in dating!

SR: I so identify with you. When you are feeling that perfect love in life is something that has passed you by, it gets pretty hopeless. But, I honestly believe that God has created the perfect mate for everyone. Think about this: Why would the God, who created everything perfectly, not have a perfect mate for you? Everything around you is a symphony of perfect design, balance, and color.

I once was mired in loneliness and hopeless about finding perfect love. But I now know that when I cried out in constant prayer that I was placing myself on His GPS⎯ God’s Positioning System. Louise was doing the same thing at the same time. It took awhile for Him to Divinely Align all the events and godwinks in our lives, so that our paths would intersect, but it was worth the wait. When the godwinks began, and our love ignited, it was better than any fourth of July fireworks. And today, 16 years later, I can honestly say that I love my wife more today than yesterday.

What tips do you have for someone who wants to stay positive?

SR: When you ask in prayer, believing that God is who He says He is, and can do what He says He can do, you should expect to receive perfect love. And also expect your answered prayers to come in the form of godwinks.

Godwinks happen more often when you get out of your comfort zone, leaving your baggage behind, and doing things that may take a little courage. Does that mean that people who engage others in conversation, and are actively involved in projects are more likely to experience godwinks than someone who is sitting at home watching TV? Yes.